Looking for the Good (AKA Small Group Dynamics)

Life is full of all different kinds of people, most of them not like ourselves. We may work or live near folks who make different choices, have different preferences and different personalities. Even within our families there can be radical differences, but we're predisposed to love them and thus be a little more patient with our differences (in theory, anyway). But mission trips are a bit like summer camp and retreat experiences. We share bedrooms, dressing rooms, bathrooms and mealtimes together. Even though we're only together for a short time, because we're with each other virtually 24/7, the time together seems much longer.

When the time together is good, it seems like we've come to know each other so well - like we've known each other for years. It's like, now that we're friends, we know we'll want to stay friends forever. The little things that may bug others don't bother us because those things are easy to overlook because we're more attentive to the things about them that we like. That's when it's good.

When it's not so good, we can't believe that we have to spend the next X number of days, nights, meals, etc. with this person who makes us crazy! We begin to pick apart their every move and look for things to justify our bad impression of them. When they do well, we're likely to miss it. When they are a blessing to someone else, we may not care or even notice. Little things they do make us crazy, and we're more attentive to the things about them that we don't like. That's when it's bad.

I know this because I've done this.

But the truth is, each person who comes on a mission trip has come with a God-given set of gifts and talents to share, and they've chosen to share those gifts and themselves with us. We asked them to commit to honoring certain basic principles but we can't expect them to be perfect, just as we don't want anyone else to expect us to be perfect. But when the annoyance factor is there, it's real and can be a genuine barrier to experiencing all the best parts of the mission trip experiences. The feelings we have are real and do matter.

The work that people do in their full-time lives in the US may influence how we respond to others. Take this couple for example: "Peter: We have an interesting conflict with our two careers. She's always looking for the good in people, especially young people. On the other hand, I'm forced to look for the bad in people so I can protect myself and be prepared for impending danger. As a police officer, I have to assume what people are like based on my observations, and usually these assumptions are negative. This "cop mentality" often competes and conflicts with my wife's outlook."

So what if you're in a career that encourages you to "look for the bad in people?" What if you're just easily annoyed, not used living around so many people or otherwise just generally kind of a negative person? What if you're not normally critical or judgmental, but the stressors of adjusting to everything on a mission trip just has you really on edge? This doesn't mean that you're a criminal or anything, but it does mean that it may be harder to "look for the good."

If we can do that -- force ourselves to look for the good in the one who's making us crazy -- we're more likely to see their gifts -- more likely to notice when they are a real blessing to someone else -- more likely to find something to like in them. But make no mistake, you may have to really MAKE yourself do this! Ask someone (like one of the other group members you've been complaining to about the other person) to help you by holding you accountable. Ask them to ask you at least once a day, "have you noticed anything positive about John/Jane Doe today?"
When we're able to see the good, it makes it a little easier to overlook the annoying/infuriating/crazy-making things other people do. BUT, if we're honest with ourselves, we know that none of us goes out of our way to be annoying/infuriating/crazy-making to others (okay, so maybe there are a few, but that's just when they're having a really bad time). We just live and we're different, and when we live so closely together, those differences loom larger than ever. So next time you're thinking, "I just wish someone would take him/her aside and tell him/her __________!" then ask yourself, "I wonder what Jesus would find to love in him/her?" We know Jesus could do it, and so can each of us, but not unless we work at it.

Mission trip experiences can be life changing and a real jump start to a life of faith inspired to do good works. Instead of letting meaningless stuff get in the way of that, always look for the good, especially in those that challenge you during your mission trip experience.